Hello from the Land of 10,000 Water Bottles

And travel mugs.

Today's "Mouse Trap" adventure started with simply washing the 10 water bottles, sippy cups and travel mugs sitting on the side of the sink.

Because it is through that one must have an appropriate certificate or degree, perhaps, to property cleanse them.

I guess.  Otherwise why else do they just sit there and not get washed?  There is an adjunct degree which allows you to put them away once clean, as well, and, altho I do not recall receiving such schooling, here I am.  Up to my armpits in wash water with small bottle brushes and lots of vinegar and even some household cleanser trying to get them free from spots and coffee...

Then they are thoroughly rinsed in the hottest of water -- so hot, in fact, that my mother would call it hot water.

Up-ended onto the towel on the counter for a few minutes to drip and then the "find the homes for all these NEW items (even tho I just cleaned out the cupboards 6 weeks ago and divested us of all but 2 or 3 travel mugs and 2 or 3 water bottles), including the tops and the straws and the remote controls and all of the accessories you never knew you needed in an uber portable-drinking device.

I have all but one stowed into the cupboard when, out of nowhere, the large male cat who resides here decides that today is the day:  he's a shoulder-cat.  He launches from the cupboard to my shoulder.  I dodge appropriately because that's 4 sets of very sharp claws coming at my shoulder/back when I miss the cupboard with the water bottle in my hand and it tumbles to the counter.

Completely taking out my Diet Coke.

Which is a travesty unto itself.

However...it isn't that simple -- oh the Diet Coke tipped over and spilled on the floor.

Oh no.

The Diet Coke TOP was on.  But not COMPLETELY ON.  Envision it -- it begins to spin and spit on the floor, spraying TO THE CEILING a fine mist of Diet Coke.  The cat loses his fucking mind and heads off for the hills, knocking over the 4 coffee cups (with dregs of coffee in them) on the other counter.  I'm trying to throw myself ON the Diet Coke (and while it wasn't throwing myself on a grenade, it still felt mildly heroic) when I think "Oh shit, my computer is on the counter with that coffee" and I rise up to see the coffee inching nearer and nearer my computer.

I grab for the computer, knocking the Miralax all over the place -- the cap had been left off when  I was attempting to condense two bottles to one (and developed an ADD cleaning moment, walking away from that task to perhaps look blankly at all the dishes to be washed in the sink) -- and now there's a fine, but hardening, layer of sugar-free polyethylene glycol forming all over the counter, the floor, the dishwasher.

Cue the cat, who is now on a tear for no apparent reason and who comes bolting through the Diet Coke/Coffee/Miralax slurry.  The priority immediately shifts to catching the cat so he doesn't take it EVERYWHERE with him.

This is FUN GAME for cat, and he doesn't lose me completely but toys with me by running up the cat tree, across the comfy chair, down the length of one leather couch and then, vaulting the baby gate, turns and heads down the foyer.  BUSTED cat -- I dart back through the kitchen, intercept him, and immerse him in the dishwater in the sink.

Now we're just sitting.  The small child, who was sequestered in a high chair through all of this (which is totally unbelievable because think of the dimension of fun that would have added), is coated in macaroni and cheese, I have the cat wrapped up like a feline burrito, and it's time to move on to the next adventure.  I'm thinking of weeding a garden, but first, I want to order a Life Alert necklace.

And for those of you who say "she makes this shit up!" stop on by.  Any time.  I got married when it was 40 below ACTUAL.  There was no heat in the church.  We had 3 running cars between the two families.  I was prevented from moving into this house by a SNIPER.  I've had horses in my basement.  I don't need a sense of creativity because I don't need to make this stuff up.

If there's one thing that I DO know, it's that God is present in my life.  He gives me challenge.  Perhaps to slow me down, perhaps to give me some humility (I'm OCD crossed with Type A, and that, despite my best efforts, and a fact which makes my skin crawl like fingernails on a blackboard, doesn't spell anything).

So I hope you'll subscribe to my blog:  maybe you're here for the first time, maybe for the last.  But for me, it's time to get this done.