Inhale, exhale

I spent most of the morning being lazy in bed. I enjoy the word lazy. Not too many words have the letters z and y in them and I find being lazy special because of it. That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

I went to pick Chip up for his plastics appointment. I got to school just when he started lunch. He ate a whole thermos of soup, a whole thermos of jello and drank some mineral-supplement water. We then hit the road for Edina.

We got there a little early and waited a half hour before we were roomed. The waiting room was packed. I tell ya, there were more women lined up there than when the Krispy Kreme opened in Maple Grove. Note: buy a plastic surgery office. Looks like great business.

When we were nearly an hour past our appointment time, I complained and we were seen. Dr. Herrington said Chip looks wonderful, gave us some cream, gave us some massage to do on the skin, and we hit the road again.

Chip ate a thermos full of spaghetti-o's and fell asleep. I screamed my way up 100 to get Dad. His appointment was rescheduled to this afternoon at 4 in Maplewood. He was supposed to be waiting for me but wasn't. He was all freaked out because I didn't bring paper towels with me and stomped and insisted that I take him to buy them RIGHT THEN. I completely let him have it saying we had less than a half hour to get to his appointment and that we would get them later (oh damn, I'm just realizing now that I didn't get them). He also wanted to stop at Snyders and check where his snuffers (inhalers) were. I told him we'd get to that after dinner.

We got to Maplewood and got right in to see the doctor. Everything's normal with Dad; no worries about anything at this time. Dr. Knoedler did a prostate exam. Chip and I stepped into the hallway and soon I heard the familiar "OW OW OW!" from my dad. Then I heard him say "Did I tell you I was in the Navy?" A shocked "no" came from the doctor (Chip and I were in the hallway just dying laughing) "Do you know the name of the last ship I was on?" Another surprised "no" and then Dad told him "The USS St Paul". Dr. Knoedler laughed and told Dad that his dad was in the Navy as well. Apparently a finger in the rectum reminded Dad of being aboard a ship. That was just too much for me and I laughed until I cried.

Dr. Knoedler kicked us out and we went to Jakes in Maplewood. Dad ordered a drink and I ordered a black and tan. Chip got a soda and our food was there pronto. I emulsified Chip's food as much as I could and he inhaled a huge plate of chicken, fries and fruit. He then had a chocolate sundae. He then stated that for snack, at home, he wanted green beans.

Does he ever stop eating?

On the way home, I called the pharmacy and was told that Dad's "snuffers" were delivered around 5. He was so relieved.

Tune in in two weeks, folks. Dad's class reunion looms large on the horizon and I'm in.